PROCESS CONSULTATION: AN AMICABLE START FOR AN AMICABLE DIVORCE
By: Patrick Kalscheur
There are many scenarios that couples facing a divorce might find themselves in. For those that feel a desire to have an amicable, peaceful, or uncontested divorce, one of the most important decisions you can make is how you start your divorce process. Here are a few examples of situations amicably minded divorcing couples encounter:
My spouse and I have simply fallen out of love. We still care for one another, but we cannot stay married. How do we do this peacefully?
My spouse and I have talked, and we are on the same page on finances and parenting. We need an attorney or attorneys to help get us to the finish line, but we are worried that meeting with attorney(s) will create conflict and divisiveness between us.
I have been researching online about the best way to get divorced. I’ve read about mediation, the collaborative process, cooperative divorce, and using the court system for divorce. Which process is best for our family?
While I know this divorce will be hard and there will be difficult conversations ahead, it is imperative to both of us that we prioritize our children. How do we proceed in a manner that honors how much we both love our children and enables us to both be heard?
When the above questions and scenarios are presented to family, friends, and other trusted advisors, the answer that is often given is some variation of, “You need to meet with an attorney. You need to make sure your rights are being protected.” While this advice is coming from a place of care and concern, it does not address the underlying goal for a mutually amicable process. Too often when two divorcing spouses meet with two different attorneys, they will hear very different things. And if the attorney believes the goal is to advise and protect one person’s rights, that attorney may not give the client the information or education the client needs to achieve the most peaceful resolution.
To address the above concerns and meet my clients’ goals of achieving an amicable divorce, I have developed a joint “process consultation.” This is an opportunity for both spouses to meet with a divorce professional and become educated on the process that is best tailored to their family’s needs. They have an opportunity to ask about topics such as: the distinctions between the roles of mediators and attorneys; what steps are required to finalize a divorce; what types of costs they will encounter; how much professional assistance their family needs; which types of professionals can best provide help; and what process is best for their family.
When both spouses meet together with a divorce professional, they can hear the same information, become educated, and make a mutual, amicable decision about how to best move through what can be an overwhelming emotional and legal process. Moreover, if the spouses have children, a joint process consultation, can help both parents feel equally important, and enable the parents to prioritize their desire for their kids’ well-being.